JOY
|
| |
 |
| I thought that my name was unusual until I spotted this building. |
 |
| Time changes us all, but the essence remains the same. My question is, what was I thinking back then? Such a serious little King Kong face! |
|
| |
Snapshots of my soul…
Life keeps changing but our inner essence remains the same. Thriving during change is, I believe, linked to our powers of intuition. We all have a path and must learn to listen to our inner promptings, the promptings of the spirit. Follow love, not fear. All of us must learn to distinguish the voice of fear (which leads to a deadness of spirit) from the voice of love (which leads to a feeling of reunion and joyous creativity).
When I paint, I wait for this voice. Although it is essential for an artist or writer to follow a disciplined schedule of work, I also believe that it is pointless to begin until the moment comes. So many paintings have been ruined due to my impatience. The mind, body, and spirit must be coordinated. I think it is best described as “flow” although you could also call it meditation. At their best, my paintings are snapshots of my soul.
Independent investigation of truth is an essential principle and protects us from blind imitation. I believe that blindly imitating others, without pausing to reflect and meditate, is a leading cause of prejudice and fanaticism. Or, at the very least, it is the cause of dullness. Intuition, or listening to the inner voice, certainly helps us discern the truth. We are all born with hidden potential and it is up to us to discover and nurture it. As Nelson Mandela said in his 1994 inaugural speech, “We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.”
Okay, back to me (whoever this “me” is). “Me” is always changing, but always the same. There is an ebb and flow in growth. Sometimes I make steady progress and sometimes I flounder in the dark, searching for the light switch. As I get older and develop a little more wisdom of hindsight (ha!), I realize that each decade presents a new set of challenges, some of which are nearly overwhelming. Upheaval seems to be a constant in life. But now I am beginning to accept this fact and, hopefully, keep my sense of humor about it. One of the lies told by our culture is this myth of a carefree existence if you are only rich enough, thin enough, healthy enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, etc. We must discern the truth of the matter. The truth is, just like schoolchildren, it is good for us to have tests. “What is to give light must first endure burning.” -Victor Frankl.
My decade of being a child was when I learned that my inner voice existed. One day, I actually heard it. It told me, “You are an artist.” I remember jumping up waving my drawing at my mother and saying, “I’m an artist!” This was when I was five. At age seven, it told me that I would be a writer. My decade of being a teenager was a bit more difficult and my inner voice was usually fuzzed up with static. No clear realizations came to me during that decade because I was so utterly entranced with my discovery of “other people” and their weird lives. It was enchanting (mesmerizing!) to be wrapped up in other people’s lives. Hormones played a role, no doubt. But by seventeen, I knew for sure that I was alone in the universe and responsible for only me, not all my friends or my “crazy” family. This was liberating. Once again, I began to pay attention to the little voice within me and find my own path.
By age twenty, I was married. My decade of being in my twenties was incredibly busy. Marriage, two kids, a master’s degree, three houses, and half a dozen low-paying jobs to help make ends meet. For my first job after college, I worked as a bank teller and got fired for standing up to my manager’s blatant sexism. We moved to a small town where the living was supposed to be easier. There, I made guitars and worked at the desk in the hospital's emergency room. Throughout the decade, I changed diapers and, always, I painted. I look back on those paintings now and wonder how I did it. They are like a diary, full of secrets.
During my thirties, I felt powerful for the first time. I was a mother, and my children were thriving. Nothing could be better than this, I thought. I was their fierce protector, a mother tiger. But I could not protect them from everything. We nearly lost our daughter, at age twelve, to a sudden illness. A few years later, our adventurous son flew from a rope and fractured his skull. Both children recovered fully, thankfully. Terrifying events like this occur in so many families, sometimes much worse, and I feel a great tenderness towards other people’s suffering as a result. In the oft-quoted words of one of my town's local sages, “Life is fraught with many perils.”
And it is true...life is full of unknowns, some of which are difficult. The joy is in the path along the way...and in always trying to stay in the present moment. Follow love, not fear. Love is, quite simply, the vital energy that connects all things. The desire of my heart is to share and connect—to foster feelings of reunion and joy with my art and writing. God willing, I will attain.
October 19, 2007
It's been three years since I wrote the above, Snapshots of My Soul. During this time, so much has happened, including the passing of both of my parents. They were very dear to me. They taught me a lot about living a joyful life, keeping a sense of humor, and working hard to achieve my goals.
If you have read this far "About Wanda" and want to read more about my current journey, go to my Yoga blog page for recent essays and introspective musings. Thanks! Peace and happiness.
 P.S.
Here is a recent photo of Zella, my beautiful little goddaughter, seen in the photo above as a newborn baby. She is three years old and loves her pink cowboy boots, as you can see by her happy smile. Hello, Zella! Thank you for letting me post your picture!
|
May 14, 2008
About Wanda’s name:
Recently, I interviewed my first guest poet, Yahia Lababidi, and I asked him to tell me about his name and the meaning of Yahia. (You can read his response on my Guest Poet page, for April 2008). And that is when I realized that I have a long fascination with names, their meanings, their origins, and how we might be perceived due to our names.
With a name like “Wanda”, I have often been amused by pronunciations—some people pronounce it Wander or Wonder—and also by people’s perceptions, most of which are positive… or at least not all that bad. As a little girl, kids often asked me to use my magic wand … some adults accused me of having a wandering mind…while others recognized the possibilities for wonder, which is definitely a good thing, right?
As a girl growing up in Nashville, I often heard about the only other person on the planet who shared my name, Wanda Jackson—a country music star. Yes, it is true, I never met another Wanda when I was a little girl, but I knew that other Wanda souls existed due to the famous and fabulous (slightly notorious) gyrating and singing Wanda Jackson. This led me to believe that my name was somehow magical and would therefore lead me to magical destinies. It’s funny how potent a name can be within a child’s imagination. I felt unique, special, magical, and a little bit weird…sometimes I yearned for a normal name like Ann, Linda, or Jane… but on most days, “weird” was okay with me. I definitely grew into it.
By the way, I sign all my paintings W. Collins Johnson…for some ancient reason I cannot now recall. (I certainly don’t want people to call me “W”—especially after the last eight years in America). An art teacher probably talked me into dropping the Wanda and just being W. Oh, well. That was then; this is now. But for better or for worse, I suspect I’ll continue my established way of signing. Most people know me by my everyday name, Wanda Johnson, but due to my art signature, I use Wanda Collins Johnson for my website and my writing.
And that’s about all there is to say on that subject…
…unless, of course, you’re interested in hearing more. You might be weird, like me. You might want to think about your own name, research its meaning and origin, etc. If, like me, you are fascinated by names, then you will want to check out a book called The Secret Universe of Names: the Dynamic Interplay of Names and Destiny, by Roy Feinson, copyright 2004. In it, you can find out about the sound of your name and how its sound evokes basic gut reactions. As a “WN” name, Wanda evokes feelings associated with mysterious elements (like the wind…) mixed with the slightly off-kilter— words such as wonky or wink.
Thanks for reading About Wanda! And so, with a wave of my magic wand and one of my characteristically wonky winks, I will sign off now, until next time… ; )
|
|
|
|
